ELECTRONIC HOUSE CALL - September 25, 1998

STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE
Giving advice to another person can be tricky -- handle it poorly and you can easily create resentment. You may have had the experience.

Back when I had time to do more consulting, it occurred to me that I would never get myself in too much trouble if I was either asking or answering a question. Things got much riskier when I started making statements, particularly when I was "solving a problem" for someone . . . and they hadn't acknowledged it as a problem they were interested in solving!

I think this discipline also applies to becoming a more effective manager. As a start, notice how many times you offer unsolicited advice -- to a co-worker, your mate, your children or whomever. Also notice how receptive they are to your brilliant insights into their lives. Now notice how YOU feel when someone does it to you. My guess is you'll find that, while people may be polite, they really don't listen and actually resent the arrogance of an "I know better than you do" attitude, no matter how innocent the intent. Instead, when you are tempted to offer unsolicited advice, try asking a question instead.

Here's an example: Let's say that one of your cooks is complaining about a co-worker's performance. Instead of telling him how to deal with the situation, you might first ask something like, "Is that a regular behavior pattern? What have you done to try to resolve it?" You could find that the cook really doesn't see it as a problem, he is just frustrated and blowing off steam.

If he is concerned and truly out of ideas, he might reply, "I've tried everything I can think of and I'm getting nowhere," which might prompt another question from you like, "Would you like some ideas as to how you might proceed?"  If they say they would, you now have permission to teach. Pass along your observations and suggestions . . . then start asking questions again.

You can't get yourself in too much trouble if you are either asking or answering questions. Try it. You might like it!

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