ELECTRONIC HOUSE CALL - June 4, 1999

WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM YOUR STAFF TODAY?
Last night, I found this little gem in a book called, "If Only I'd Said That," by Peter Legge. It may give you something to consider as you strive to become a better coach, a better mate, a better friend . . . or just a better person.

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not to talk or do -- just hear me.

Advice is cheap; a few cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself; I am not helpless -- maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind these irrational feelings. And, when that is clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

So, please listen and just hear me, and, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn . . . and I'll listen to you.

Anonymous

A note from the Doc:
It's all about respect, isn't it? Happy Friday.

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